I like what is here, though I wish there were more of it. I'm especially curious as to why the arquebuses are forbidden.
I wonder if this would be stronger if either a) it had a frame story, opening with the abandoned village and someone wondering why; or b) if the narrative approach were pushed more in a fairy tale direction, as the ending seems to suggest.
This is of course definitely up my alley. It just seems like it could be even better with a little bit of tweaking...
Thank you for replying, Donald. I was going for a "twist ending," hence the business with the masked women. The arquebuses were forbidden, but I didn't say by who until that poi t.
I like what is here, though I wish there were more of it. I'm especially curious as to why the arquebuses are forbidden.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if this would be stronger if either a) it had a frame story, opening with the abandoned village and someone wondering why; or b) if the narrative approach were pushed more in a fairy tale direction, as the ending seems to suggest.
This is of course definitely up my alley. It just seems like it could be even better with a little bit of tweaking...
Thank you for replying, Donald. I was going for a "twist ending," hence the business with the masked women. The arquebuses were forbidden, but I didn't say by who until that poi t.
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